Let's Pretend I Never Told You This

Jenny Lawson’s memoir Let’s Pretend This Never Happened has inspired me to write this blog post. Lawson’s memoir is full of hilarious, bizarre stories from her childhood and adulthood. Hilarious in an I’m glad that never happened to me way, bizarre in a falling into animal carcasses, setting ovens on fire way. Lawson prefaces the book by saying that whenever she starts in about her childhood, people act like they understand: “Oh yeah, my family was totally crazy.” Not this crazy, people. Not this crazy.

I’ve decided to reminisce about some of my favorite (euphemism for “worst”) memories. I may not have enough harrowing stories to fill a book, but I certainly have enough to write a blog post.

I was a suicidal baby. What a terrible life it was. Being spoon-fed my Cheerios, having someone else wipe my derrière, playing with my stuffed goat William all day. I can hardly stand talking about it now. So you’ll understand why I decided to end my life one night when my mother set my car seat and me on the kitchen counter. An opportunity had presented itself, and I rocked my way off the edge and splat onto the floor. Split my chin wide open. And I have the scar to prove it.

I was the only child kleptomaniac at my preschool. "I was a child kleptomaniac" is probably sufficient on its own, but what the hell. When you get over the shock factor, hopefully you’ll realize how awesome this makes me. I had a system: watch patiently and listen intently to all my friends during show-and-tell, take mental notes of the coolest toys, then sneak into the backpack room during recess and search out the goods. I got away with it for probably a good year before the “I won it at school” thing stopped working on my parents. Then I started stealing cat ears from Kohl’s . . . but that’s behind me now. 

I kicked my sister down the stairs. Don’t worry, she lived. And she totally deserved it. She CUT the ear of my favorite stuffed animal. Clover the bunny screamed in pain and I came to her rescue. And then I avenged her.

I could go on indefinitely, but I think I’ll stop there for the night. The pleasant memories just make me too giddy before bed.

Bonus: CHILDHOOD PICTURE TIME!

With the little sister I pushed down the stairs.

My relationship with my grandma hasn't changed much.

The moment I stopped being patriotic.

I'm glad I can share my awkwardly personal stories with you, internet, and I hope you can relate. I'm not saying I would wish childhood kleptomania on anyone; I just hope you can relate to the bizarre sequence of events that is growing up. What a fun, scary, and painful time. 

Dramatic Groundhogs are Dramatic.

It’s not just about what you say. It’s about how you say it. We learned this in childhood the day someone pushed our sass button for the first time. Now we all know there’s a big difference between saying, “Yes, Dad, I will get you a glass of milk,” and “Yeah, I’ll get you a glass of milk. Want me to wipe the drool off your mouth too?” 

Enough about my childhood.

Sometimes the best way to convey a serious message is with a serious tone. I’m not talking the Sarah Mclachlan, rip your heart out, crying puppies commercials. I’m talking about ads that tackle marketing problems with some well-written spots. And they don’t always have to make you cry. They don't even have to make you laugh. They have to make you think.

Here are some of my favorite dramatic spots.

“Mr. W” is one of my favorite spots. Period. It’s amusing, but not in a laugh-out-loud way. And it surprises at the end. The French accent doesn’t hurt.

This AmEx commercial with Kate Winslet is nicely written. It’s creative, but it makes sense. It also makes me want to watch Eternal Sunshine.

Google’s “Parisian Love.” Ooh la la. C’est très romantique, non? And it’s all about the Google potential.

Dirt Devil “The Exorcist.” This spot is nails. It’s like watching a real horror movie. And it’s about the product benefit all the way.

And, of course, the ad that has influenced every cool Ok Go music video you’ve watched. Honda’s “The Cog.”

When done right, a dramatic spot can work really well for a brand or a product. You just have to make sure to draw attention with great writing and execution when there’s not a singing bunny to bring those eyes to the screen.  

A Little Crazy Means A Lot of Fun

Consumers have done and seen it all. If you don’t stand out in today’s market, you simply get ignored. That’s not a nice feeling. So where do marketers turn to in order to reach their consumers? Many times, nontraditional marketing is the answer. Nontraditional marketing catches the consumer on the move rather than asking consumers to seek out advertisements in magazines or on television. It breaks through the clutter because it’s unexpected. And it has the potential to be amazing. It can make people smile, make them think, make them laugh, and make them purchase.

Here are a few of my favorite creative nontraditional tactics.

Coca Cola’s Happiness Machine has been making the rounds for a while now. Coke’s idea was to make people happy through the use of a vending machine. Here, you can only get a Coke from the Friendship Machine if you have a friend to help you out. Ingenious! Shows just how much consumers love Coke.

T-Mobile filmed this musical flash mob at the Heathrow, London airport. I’ll be honest, I might punch someone if they started singing that close to my face, but these people really seem to enjoy it. The guy around the 2:00 mark is by far my favorite. His face kills me. And if you skim the comments you’ll notice comments like “I’m changing to T-Mobile now.” 

Volkswagen’s Fun Theory has created a lot of wonderful nontraditional tactics. These piano stairs brighten everyone’s day and tie the VW name back to fun.

Sony’s “Foam City” is one of my all-time favorite commercials. Yes, this nontraditional tactic is technically “traditional,” but only because they filmed it and turned it into something the whole nation could experience. Can you imagine living on this street? I’m pretty sure this would be the best day of my life. And it makes perfect sense for the product. Images like no other. The rest in the series are great too.

My favorite thing about nontraditional advertising is that creativity has no limit. You can sing to people, flood their street with foam, make them climb on each other’s shoulders and make a piano out of a subway staircase. Sounds like every creative’s dream to me.

Next week I’m going to give you a look at some of my favorite dramatic ads. 

Favorite Odd Spots

Today, we’re going to talk about a trend I rather like in Advertising. It’s something the Japanese have been good at for years, but Americans have just recently started to warm up to it. What is it? Oddvertising, my friends. Skittles practically dominates this niche, and for good reason. I’m a believer in the good ol’ “solid strategy + exceptional execution = good ad” formula, but there’s a lot to be said for an ad that manages to add a little odd into the mix. It makes ads more memorable, more entertaining, and usually, funnier. Oddvertising speaks to the weirdo within all of us. Have a look at a few of my favorite odd spots.

First up, Tide’s “Talking Stain.” It manages to get the point across (stains are distracting) in a very strange, funny way. Doesn’t hurt that the stain is kinda cute too. Wouldn’t mind carrying him around in my pocket.

Next, Doritos “Mouse Trap.” Totally unexpected. Almost scary enough to give you nightmares. Definitely weird enough to make you remember it. Let’s be happy we don’t live in a world where this actually happens.

Now, the marvelous Skittles “Singing Bunny.” Actually, this is one of my favorite spots of all time. It’s one of those commercials where no matter what you were doing or who you were talking to, your eyes were fixed to the TV, your jaw gone slack, when you heard this little bunny singing.

Really, I could post any Skittles ad from the last decade, but here’s one that’s undeniably inventive. Creepy? You bet. But it gets people engaged and it gets them talking. Also, there’s a cat involved. And that can never hurt. Here’s Skittles “Touch: Cat.”

And finally, I gave a brief mention to Japanese ads at the beginning of the post. If you’ve never had the pleasure of stumbling upon one of these beauties, I suggest you spend some time on YouTube.

Granted, I can’t understand what they’re saying. But . . . do I really need to? I agree with the top-rated comment. If I saw that coming down my street, I’d run. Fast.

Look for next week’s post on some of my favorite guerrilla tactics.